OK right now, I do not loves me some Stephen Colbert. He could be funny . . .

. . . I just think it’s not going to happen here.

But thank you for cautioning your daughter to stay away from Katy Perry, because that leaves more room for me to accost her and Russell Brand. They need need a three for their threesome, and I am available.

Also, I hate him for calling Susan Boyle a “Scottish cat lady” because that might be me if weren’t not Scottish and all.

Colbert’s daughter is adorable. I bet she doesn’t think her dad’s funny at all. I sure don’t think my dad is.

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