Oh GOD now even CSI is pimping out vampire plots!

People. Would you PLEASE let go of this trend before you kill the whole concept for the next three decades? PLEASE. Am I going to have to make the joke again about how there really shouldn’t be any of these silly vampire/human love triangles, given how many eligible women I know and how few vampires? Really, there are PLENTY of women to go around, you hunky bloodsucking monsters. Why you always have to cross fangs over the same mortal, I’ll never know. Honestly, the closer we girls get to 40, the more desperate we get for love. And also for eternal youth. So really. Come to DC, open up shop, charge less than Botox and you’re golden. It’s a win-win.

Oh I’ll shut up now because we’re back and I can forgive Ryan Seacrest for being ubiquitous because he’s introducing Taylor Swift, and I think she’s the coolest, smartest, ballsiest, most candid young performer out there today. I know that surprises you because I’ve never said it before.

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