Clark Terry! Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award.

But wait, is he not getting a speech? Quentin Tarantino announced the award, and then moved right to a performance by Eminem and Li’l Wayne and Travis Barker. Sorry boys, but I would SO much rather see Mr. Mumbles perform than you *******s.

Let me tell you something else about ****** rap music that I don’t understand, it’s the violent ****** and the ***** and the ****** tattoos and the mysogeny and the **** that just makes you want to***** ******. And why are they always so angry? Some of it, some rappers I understand can rightfully credit years of ******* oppresssion and prejudice and social disadvantage and a **** you to The Man and all, but Eminem, what the **** is YOUR problem? Somebody hold your ancestors in slavery? Also, you guys. Women did not cause your ******* problems and if you’re having problems with women, let me tell you about ****in Step One in fixing that sh*t. Fix your ****** attitude. Then get back to me for Step Two.

Also, ******** ******** hey, hey, hey ******* (go go dancers grind here) **** ****** YEAH (flash flashy jewelry here ) **** yeah, b*tch, Disney reference, violent threat, Cristal (Kanye takes a swig and pours the rest of it over some stagehand’s head while insulting said stagehand’s mother).

Applause, applause, applause. Obscene gestures from the performers. Thank you, Famous Stars, for taking our money while thinking we are worth **** and that our mommas shoulda had a ********. We love you too. Have some more money! Can I buy you a car???

[number of stars does not necessarily match number of letters in word intended, and in some case, no words were actually even imagined in spaces where stars appear because, yo, nobody tells NOBODY what to think, yo? Now step off ‘fore I have my people HURT you.]

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One response to “Clark Terry! Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award.

  1. Kirstin (Wortman) Pires

    STEP ONE: Cut a hole in the box…

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